worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
