please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
