If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
