I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
