i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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