A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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