The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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