Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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