You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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