You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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