I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
