Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
