I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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