look no pants
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
