My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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