you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
