Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
