12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize