there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
