it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
