I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
