i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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