Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
