Michael Bay diarrhea
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
