If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
