I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
