During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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