i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if only i could text you this smell
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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