Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
