The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize