i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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