Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
