Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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