I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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