just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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