i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
