so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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