areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize