You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
