she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
