i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
