The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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