I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
