The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
