i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
