dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
