Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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