Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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