genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
