I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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