I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
