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JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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