it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
