Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
