Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
