what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
