have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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