I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You have to summon your inner elephant
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
