how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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