Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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