You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
