I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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