he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
