What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
