I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
