I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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