who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
