chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
