you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
