I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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