if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
