lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
