I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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